Im shy reserved . Growing up, I wasnâ€™t the fliest dude in the bunch. In fact, I was flat out wack. My style, or whatever you want to call it, was a mix of DipSet and Laguna Beach. I had my fair share of girlfriends, crushes, a couple dates but simply, I just wasnâ€™t the man I swore I was.
Â To make matters worse, I wasnâ€™t tall (right now I sit 5â€™7. 5â€) and I was roughly 140lbs; hardly the meathead I proudly am today. I guess you could equate me to that ugly duckling that transformed in to the man. Yea, I said it. DO SOMETHING!
Â I will be brutally honest; no matter how I look, how vasssccular I am (/Stewey voice), how much muscle I have, or how fly I dress, depending on the girl, it could be VERY tough to strike up that â€œHey, Im digging youâ€ conversation at the most common places you would think of because more than likely:
- Approaching someone in Starbucks is borderline weird unless you catch them givinâ€™ you the eye over their laptop.
- Bars/Clubs are where you find the girls (or guys) to lust. Lets be honest, it works both ways here. Not a â€˜one sexâ€™ flaw.
- The beach is where everyone is half nakedâ€¦you might have already one or lost before even opening your mouth.
Now itâ€™s not to say I lack confidence BUT there are certain places that make getting what you want (such as true social interaction not via Facebook) a little more difficult than others.Â
Â I was actually sitting home one day and thought to myself, â€œthe gym is the PERFECT place for a first date.â€ Then when I thought about the reasons why, itâ€™s incredibly clear to see. Peoples work ethic, wants, desires, outlook, interactions, physical, and even emotional attractiveness in the gym are so closely related to real life outside the gym.
Â If I had to break down in order how you would judge someone in a common place and in the gym, this is how you would probably break it down.
#1: Physical Attraction
Â No one gets dazzled up to hit the gym. Yes, of course, with lululemon, Nike, Adidas, and many companies putting out fashionable gym clothes, you can absolutely look good but at the end of the day, garbs will consist of sweatpants or yoga pants, shorts, and a variation of a t-shirt or long sleeve. There is no Rolex or Movado watches, diamond tennis bracelets, although maybe a wedding band but most people keep jewelry off, and not much make-up (and sorry ladies, if you doll yourself up in make-up to HIT THE GYM, you arenâ€™t getting a date. Nope.)
Â Now Iâ€™m not saying we, as dudes, need to be oiled up and shaved like Ronnie Coleman or Kai Greene nor do you females need to look like a bikini competitor with a tan, fake boobs, and body glitter. The gym is where you can (and should) come in â€˜raw formâ€™.
Â â€œSweatpants, hair tied, chillin with no make-up on. Thatâ€™s when youâ€™re the prettiest, I hope that you donâ€™t take it wrong.â€
If our first date was at the gym and the moment we get in and you look slamminâ€™ at your bare minimum, then we are already starting our date off on a high note.
#2: Work Ethic:
Â You want to know what makes an already physically attractive person even sexier? A go-getter. A person who works hard to achieve the desired results their after. When a person challenges herself/himself to be better than they were an hour ago, a day ago, a week ago, thatâ€™s the definition of sexy. No one likes a lazy person who settles for status quo. You want to challenge that person to make them better and you want it reciprocated. Â
Â If weâ€™re banging out a set of squats and Iâ€™m sitting ass to grass, finding it hard to get up, I want my girl saying â€œYou got this! Donâ€™t quit! Keep trying!â€ (spotting me of course) and conversely, I want the girl Iâ€™m working with working just as hard giving it all she has.
If you guys are having your first date and youâ€™re pushing each other set after set, not quitting on each other, and helping each other when needed, you may be dealing with a team player. I would think in any relationship, someone you can be a teammate with can make each other stronger, thatâ€™s the teammate you want to have.
Â Conversely, if your teammate is too distracted on their cell phone, not helping out, not pushing you as hard as you are pushing them, then you might have a selfish teammate. I donâ€™t know about you but I dislike selfish people. They will not be getting a second date.
#3: Interactions (Verbally/Silently):
Â Complaining is an absolute no-no. Maybe it could be discussed pre-workout but find a happy medium in the style of training that day. Some people are big circuit trainers and others have a more precise way of training muscle groups, etc. When you get to the gym, you should already be on the same page about the session that day (no different than choosing a style of restaurant to eat and drink at). When you find a comfort zone between each other, whoever the brains of the operation is can come up with the session for the day. It should be a positive experience and one you can piggyback off of the next date or session. You should be able to help each other and if someone is doing something wrong, can it be fixed without issue due to ego.
Can you guys have fun together? A training session is meant to be challenging. Itâ€™s meant to tough. A training session is also meant to be fun. Yea, maybe not â€œWeeeeee, Kingda Kahâ€ rollercoaster fun, but something you guys help started, progressively got tough, pushed each other, then when it was all done you can say, â€œDAMN! That was tough! I had so much fun doing that with you.â€ Itâ€™s not something one or the other should dread.
Â Can you guys take constructive criticism and help make each other better. Iâ€™ll use my client Bandz for instance (Yes fellas, sheâ€™s married, lifts heavier than most dudes reading this, and hip thrusts more weight than me. You cannot have her). If me and Bandz were on a 1st date and she out-hip thrusts me (which she already has) and she offers me advice how to get stronger at it, would I let my ego step in or will I take her advice because I know she wants to make me better? Conversely, If I wanted her squatting ass-to-grass with heavier loads and perfect form, is she the going to be the type that is going to say, â€œugh, its just too heavy, I canâ€™tâ€ or â€œUgh, I know what Im doingâ€? Or will she say, â€œThanks, Iâ€™m really trying. Iâ€™m going to try that tweak and make my squat betterâ€?
Â No one likes to be criticized but how you take it says A LOT about your character.
#4: Attention Seeking
Â This might be my make or break.
Â On a first date, first impressions are everythingâ€¦and if they arenâ€™t, itâ€™s a close indicator of what you may be dealing with in the future. Be yourself. Always. Now with that said, if you guys are on a date and the dude youâ€™re with is grunting obnoxiously loud trying to look insanely meathead-likeâ€¦on a machine-based exercise, heck, even using free weights, thatâ€™s tool bag level 10 and you might want to leave him alone.
Â Conversely fellas, if the girl youâ€™re with is lollygagging, not being a team player, constantly checking hair and make-up in the mirror, not showing you and the session any attentionâ€¦youâ€™re dealing with an attention whore level 10 and you might want to leave her alone [Side note: Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch and say â€œwell thatâ€™s sexist, maybe the gym isnâ€™t her thing…â€ than maybe she wouldnâ€™t be there if it wasnâ€™t].
Â Nothing is worse than a HUGE attention seeker who makes excessive noise (fellas) and/or checks make-up and hair like theyâ€™re about to be doing a video shoot for Justin Bieber.
Â Takeaway Point:
Seeking validation from the person youâ€™re with is natural. You want to be the center of that personâ€™s day, month, or life. If you are going to do it though, do not do it in excess. If you are with someone who is doing this excessively then Houston, you have a problem.
Â You might not learn much about trust, loyalty, and honesty while at the gym BUT at the same time, you can learn a little about their work ethic, ability to have fun, how they take criticism, and their level of attention seeking. To me, thatâ€™s HUGE. I think when you strip away a person of their prized materials as in not seeing the car they drive, the jewelry they may or may not own, make-up, hair done, and see that person in raw form, the only thing they have in the gym is their personality.
Â If you canâ€™t laugh, push each other, have fun, and get better as a team, then quite honestly, the more important things like honesty, loyalty, and trust more than likely wonâ€™t come because the former is the foundation of friendship. If you donâ€™t have friendship, you donâ€™t have much of anything.
Â â€¦and if you donâ€™t like going to the gym and lifting, you donâ€™t have a first date.Â